i will never coherently bang her
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I want a musical about memes.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
