so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
