apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
