When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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