So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
