I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
