He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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