We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
