Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
