i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
