I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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