Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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