so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
