Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
