That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
