I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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