I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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