I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
