3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
as a side note pls kill me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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