I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
