those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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