I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
