If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize