I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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