Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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