It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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