They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
