can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
