I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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