just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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