just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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