the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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