Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
whose parrot is this?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
