addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize