I want you more than these girls want KFC
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
