she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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