Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
