I could have mohawked her pubes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
