I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This baby is an asshole
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
