She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Less talking, more tequila
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize