I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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