Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
