My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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