my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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