after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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