there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
