thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
