There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
