Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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