he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize