He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
