Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
