im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
