Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
