I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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