Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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