Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
