i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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