i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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