I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
