If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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