Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
