He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
