Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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