I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
