She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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