Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
