guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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